How to Connect with your Kid ?
Are you worrying about your children behavior changes at the time of your spouse presence?
I was sitting in Playground chair as my son was playing. Just seeing them I was in to the thought of Kids beautiful life.
My friend Lakshmi whom I meet after long time break. So had a General talk about family wellness .
She shared, as her daughter is not listening to her when her husband present. She always trying to fight with her via argument. If her Husband not present, she will listen to her well. As this, happen frequently she told her one day “She don’t like her anymore”
Then I asked her, what actually you expect from your daughter? She told,
she is not listening to me and arguing if I ask her to do anything.
Then I asked her, why do you feel, she has to listen to you always? Just because you are elder then her? Or you are having Physical and mental energy better then her?
Then she told, Nothing like that, For example if we visiting someone home we should leave on time, But my daughter never too soo.
Why kid react negatively in front of others? What makes them to do?
when you expect kids to lisen to your word without any questing this type of situation happens.
because their feeling are not listened because you are judging as they are kids and what he/she know.
Kid used to wait for the situation, where they can express in front of the Trustable person (person who is lending to their feeling, understating the feeling). That person can be grandparents, Uncle, Aunties.
So they feel secure about their feeling , start to communicate and they want to express.
Here Kids are waiting for the Comfort or trust zone, as soon as he/she get, start to react.
Are you able to relate above situation with your life?
Kids are individual whom also having their thinking, emotional and feeling.
As a parent, you are feel like you own them.
So you are imagining some of Future activity and present behaviors , depend on the pain bosy result, you trying to control kid.
Example above my friend she expect her daughter should be lisen well to her parent with out asking any question.
Do you like such kid of life and person in your life? Do you feel like to be with them always?
Never right, everyone need their freedom to express their feeling, especially kids needs a lot, so they can connect well with the person.
why do you feel, Kids has to listen to you always? Just because you are elder then her? Or you are having Physical and mental energy better then her?
we always expect kids to Obey and do what you tell.
But this type order following habit do you feel it’s good for long term.
Do you like to decision maker , problem solver or order obey person?
What we are expecting is “ self confident, problem solver, decision maker” from our kid.
But do we ever give the opportunity to grow this kid of behaviors with in them?
No, Because you need a Kid, who is listen to your word and obey.
Here you can see there is gap between what Kid actually want to do and what is parents order.
so here is the gap starts, then as a parent you start to blame kids.
If this behaviors keep on going, their will be the stage where kid losses his or her self thinking, just do what others say without thinking much about that.
Solution
Always you encourage Two way Communication.
Lisen to kid not just for the reply, Under their feeling.
If we do, kids will also do back.
If you are denying something, tell the reason behind the denying.
Above case she want her daughter to leave on time from Guest home.
She can explain to actual reason behind your deny mode.
Actually if you do this then kids try to cooperate with you with in their comfort zone instead of reacting from their pain body
Lisen to understand their feeling not for replying.
As your kid want to spend more time in Guest House because they are having Pool where she want to have fun with her friend.
So you can give her option, I can bring you once again in this week here or beach where you can do the same.
or we can plan for some game activity later, as today already late and tomorrow father and uncle need to go office early. So need to go to bed early.
Lets plan for the next meeting and we can leave home.
Just one of the solution, where kid also should be served for her feeling and your concern also covered.
Let me know if you are having any other interesting solution in the command, as it be beneficial for other parents.
